The very beginning of “Howard the Duck” shows precisely what kind of movie it will be. Any parents who brought their children to the PG-rated Marvel film were likely horrified to see Howard sitting in his apartment and pulling out a Playduck magazine (a riff on Playboy if you didn’t catch that subtle nod), opening it up to reveal a topless duck lady. Not even one minute later, Howard’s chair launches out of his apartment and into the bathtub of a duck woman, who has human-esque breasts exposed as she takes a bath. The chair sends Howard into space, where he eventually arrives on Earth, but the film sees fit to show what it would be like if ducks had boobs. 

It’s exceptionally off-putting with the attention to detail on display, as the breasts come complete with nipples. How many innocent children walked into a theater in 1986 only to see duck boobs? One has to imagine that for quite a few kids, that was the first time they saw boobs ever … and it was on a duck. That had to have raised some questions at home. Surely, there’s a story of parents who had to give their child “the talk” because they suddenly seemed too into duck anatomy. Where is that person’s story?

The nudity in “Howard the Duck” is needless and gratuitous, which, to be fair, is par the course for the ’80s. The standards for PG films were laxer back then, but still, it’s plain odd and feels like it should’ve been cut to avoid wrecking a generation of moviegoers.